Depression: The Do's And Don'ts

It is hard for those who have never suffered clinical depression to understand how things look so bad that one contemplates taking their own life. In a rational world, nothing seems that drastic and it becomes easy to throw around phrases like, "It will be okay." Or "It gets better." Although meant with well intentions, for someone suffering severe depression, these rational thoughts are foreign concepts. Many people who have never experienced depression on this level mistake depression for merely being unhappy or sad. Although these emotions go hand in hand with depression, there is much more to it than that. Clinical depression is a disorder that has many causes and possible onsets. For more on those you can check here. Let me try to put what it is like to experience depression into perspective. Imagine you are driving in a heavy rain. As the water comes down and makes it harder to see. The windshield fills with water drops and soon it is impossible to make out what lies ahead. Now imagine you are on a busy highway when this happens. Cars are passing you at high rates of speed. Drivers are behind you blaring their horns. You feel lost and helpless. You don't know what to do, do you speed up into the unknown, do you slow down and deal with the anger of those around you? You just want to pull over and stop, but you cannot. There is no place to do so. No imagine that every waking moment was this way. Now, I know what you are thinking. There are antidepressants and therapists to help. But when you are in this state, its like knowing there are windshield wipers but not knowing how to turn them on. You cannot simply apply rational thought to irrational thinking. So what do you do and what do you avoid? Well here is a list of both for either those who need help or those who know of someone who needs help.
What NOT to do.

• Isolation. Isolation only adds distance between the sufferer and happiness. It is common for the sufferer to isolate so others do not see what is going on, or to avoid situations that are high anxiety. 
• Listen to depressing music or watch depressing movies. It is common to seek out others that are feeling morose as well so that one does not feel so alone, but what ends up happening is that it becomes all that you see and harder to see positive things. 
• Place blame. Do not blame yourself or others for your depression. This leads to thinking such as, "I will show them.." 
• Eat the wrong things. Food and beverages high in sugar and caffeine can effect the way the body and mind handles stress.
• Stay in bed. Get out of the bed and into the shower. Taking care of your physical self will help your mental self.

What TO do.

• Talk to others about your depression in moderation. Too much talk will cause you to dwell on what is wrong and not what is right.
• Go outside. Sunshine is vital in physical as well as mental health.
• Set small goals. Set up a small task or goal like cleaning a closet or drawer. Accomplishments big or small will help build self worth.
• Acknowledgement. Acknowledge that depression distorts and darkens your perceptions, thinking, and judgment of yourself and the world around you.
• Reach out. Reach out to your friends and family. Tell them what you feel and be honest. They may not understand fully, but will have a better idea than not saying anything at all.

Like I said before, these are rational approaches to an irrational state of mind. The sufferer may or will not see the benefits of these at first. The number one thing to make perfectly clear with the sufferer is that NO life altering decisions should or will be made while in a depressive state. Also be optimistic, but not condescending. Avoid phrases like, "Well you are just depressed so you don't see things right." This just affirms that the sufferer is and always will be wrong. Say things more like. "I know you feel that way now, but lets revisit these things again in a few days and see if things change." This validates the feelings as well as affirms you have a continuing interest. There is much more to depression then meets the eye. A resource for finding more help for depression can be found here. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Suicide Is Not An Answer

With the advent of some high profile suicides, I felt it was rather important to get the message out that suicide is not the answer. No matter what the problems being faced, suicide is far worse then any other option. Suicide does not rid or absolve anyone of their burdens. It simply intensifies it and move the burden to someone else. Their are many reasons why someone would consider taking their own life, but I want to concentrate on just one of those reasons. LGBT youth are among the highest suicide rates. The pressure of bullying, discrimination and increased shame by religious affiliations can seem increasingly unbearable to those in the LGBT community. Its hard to understand and rationalize your emotions when you are both depressed and confused about you sexual identity. Under those conditions, it seems you have only two options. Either live a lifetime of the pain or to end it all. It sounds cliche' to say, but it really does get better. I want to address those going through these thoughts, but I want those who are not to understand what it is like to feel this way as well. Its easy to say things will get better. Its easy to say that suicide is stupid or a cowards way out, but unless you have been through the mind set of someone who has though of, or even attempted, suicide it takes more than just words to talk someone from the edge. Imagine sitting in a small room. The room is empty with no windows, it is brightly lit with bright white walls. Music starts to play, soft at first, gradually getting louder. Its a classical piece, a piano with high and low, soft and hard notes with various tempos. Suddenly more music plays at the same time, just as loud. This time some hard rock. Then more, some country, also just as loud. and then more, and more until every genre of music is being played at all the same very loud volume level. The suppose you are told to pick out the names of each of the songs being played. When you close your eyes the music stops. When your eyes are open it plays again. The only way to get it to stop permanently is to either figure out all the songs or to keep your eyes closed forever. Change the music to emotions and that is what it is like for someone going through depression and thinking of suicide. But there is a third option to stopping the bombardment. That option is help. It is not shameful to ask for help. We all need a support system and help in our daily lives to help make sense of our emotions. I urge anyone who is either considering taking their life or know someone who is to reach out to someone for help. There are resources all over the world that offer free and anonymous help for the prevention of suicide. A link to such resource is here at International Association of Suicide Prevention. For those here in the united states there is The Trevor Project. I have been in your shoes. I have made it through. And I am here to help you too. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

The Seven Stages Of Grief

 We all experience loss in our lives. loss is enviable. Whether it be the death of a loved one or the end of a friendship or relationship, we will lose someone we care about. There is only one guarantee in life and that is loss. With that certainty and given the predictability in human behavior, researchers have determined that there seven stages we go through when our lives are sidelined with this loss. Those stages are: Shock and denial, Pain and guilt, Anger and bargaining, Depression and loneliness, The turn around, Reconstruction, and finally Acceptance and hope. Here is a little look deeper into each of these.

1. Shock and denial. This happens when the event first takes place. Our first instinct is to deny that the loss has taken place. This is when we say "No, this can't be happening!" and try to convince ourselves everything is still normal. It is quickly followed by stage two.
2. Pain and guilt. After the numbness of the shock wears off, it is quickly replaced with unbelievable, and sometimes seemingly unbearable, pain. It is also about this time we begin to feel guilty. Often feeling like it is our fault or it should have been me. 
3. Anger and bargaining. This is when the blame shifts from us to someone or something else. This often teeter-totters with trying to barter in order to repair the loss with such things as, "I promise I will do _____ differently if he/she will just come back." 
4. Depression and loneliness. This is when the full realization of the situation sets in and the sadness is at its biggest. We tend to isolate ourselves from those around us because, although well intended, they can not fully grasp your situation and their attempts to "cheer you up" only increase the feeling of loss.
5. The turn around. This is when you notice that little by little your pain is lessening. You tend to function just a little bit more. You begin to find small amounts of enjoyment in the things you once did.
6. Reconstruction. As you begin to get back into your normal routine, you learn to adapt to the parts that are now missing. You begin to feel the need to tell your story. Let others know you are on the road to recovery and look to people to fill in the gaps. You being to reach out once again.
7. Acceptance and hope. We begin to accept the situation for what it is and start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. We are not quite back to normal, but we can see ourselves being there and accept that things will be better.

Although it is certain we will go through each of these stages, what is unknown is when, what order and how long each of them will take. A therapist once explained to me that it is much like driving up a mountain. The road to recovery is not a straight incline to the peak, but rather a long winding one with many hills and valleys. Sometimes we take many strides to our goal, then have to take a few back, and that is okay. The important thing is that eventually you will make it to the top. So to all those who are currently suffering a loss and to those that may in the future, I hope this outline shows that the feelings you are having are not only valid, but necessary in order to recover. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris