And Then There's Those Other Things...

If there had to be an anthem for my life, it would have to be "Cigarettes And Chocolate Milk" by Rufus Wainwright. Everything I find enjoyment in are so opposite of what is considered "normal" or "acceptable." From a good cigarette, to decadent foods, to..well.. those "other" things.  But as much as I get the feeling that society wishes me to oppress and abstain from those things, I proudly accept, and sometimes even flaunt, them. I was not always like that. For years I let those voices condemning my vices get in and turn my enjoyment and pleasure into guilt. Once I finally took a stand and said to myself, "No! I am not going to accept the guilt for this!", I found even greater enjoyment out of them. I was the same way with my partners. Suppressed my desires thinking it was more important to fulfill theirs. When I learned to express mine too, it made things that much better because it made it mutual rather then one sided. There are still those around me to tell me how "That is so bad for you." or "You are going to hell for that." But quite frankly, they are not telling me anything I had not already known. Yes, there are those that say these things simply out of caring and concern, and to them, I appreciate it. But a life lengthened by doing things hated, is a punishment, not enjoyment. Our time here is already short, so why spend it dreading what each day brings? As Rosalind Russell says in Auntie Mame, "Yes! Live! Life's a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! " I already have too many moments where I think back and say to myself, "I wish I had...", I don't need any more. So if I go out to eat with friends and they order a desert, why deprive myself because I am a big person and those around are going to think, "Like he needs that!"? What I do is none of their concern as their opinions are none of mine. If I am enjoying a smoke, I don't need some stranger telling me, "Smoking is bad for you", I know this, I can read the warning labels, thank you. And if I am with someone who really enjoys my size, and they want to pat my belly or give it a squeeze, I find it no different then two twinkies with their hands in each others pockets. So I say Enjoy life! Enjoy each other! And above all, find your happiness and don't let anyone tell you, you can't.

Burly Bear Chris