What Is This Feeling?

Loathing. Loathing is a weird emotion. One that it seems I have when I shouldn't, and not when I should. A little back story here. I have been hurt in the past my former partners. I won't go into details as to how at the moment, I would need their consent to do so. I will simply say that it was devastating each time. By all accounts I should have loathing for these men. But I am not wired that way. Once I love someone, they have a place in my heart forever. The love changes, yes. I do not see them as my lover. But I still want the best for them, and that they are happy. I just don't understand that if someone was important enough to let into your heart, how evicting them is possible. With all but one, I still speak to my exes, remain friends with them, and would consider each of them family. The one I do not speak to, I still wish him the best and hope to hear great things about. I know it confuses some guys I meet and unfortunately, due to the actions of a few, thoughts first run to, "Oh well you must still be having sex with each other." Absolutely not! I don't know where this notion that friends means "Friends With Benefits" came from, but no, I am not that guy. Maybe its because I grew up in a house and neighborhood where all my friends would come over and call my parents "mom" and "dad" and I did the same to theirs. Maybe that's why I am able to look at people as extensions of family so easily. I don't know for sure. All I know is if someone was worthy of me saying "I love you" to, then they are worthy of receiving love forever. Whether it is love as a partner, a friend, or family.
Now, onto the flip side. Who do I loath? Mostly perfect strangers. Those that hurt someone I love. Ones that take advantage of someone or something. Ones that abuse systems for personal gain at the expense of others. The person sitting behind me in the movie theater rustling through that noisy candy package all movie long. The people who live above me who stomp when they walk. The person with the car alarm that has to check every thirty minutes to see if its still set. the person who scowls when I say hello or smile at. And most of all, those who have replaced empathy with apathy. After saying that it seems rather hypocritical to end this way, but I mean it to you, the readers for I loath none of you. So, Love To All.

Burly Bear Chris