Knowing when to stay quiet and when to speak up can be hard to figure out. I had an interesting thing happen in class yesterday that might illustrate an example of knowing the right moment for me. In class we were discussing relationships. Relationship dialects and balance of power to be precise. Not exactly exciting stuff. The instructor was lecturing about dialects and how there needs to be a healthy balance and moved into perspectives and how the differences in culture play a role and how even a difference in the perception of the sexes play a role (I said, not exciting). At that point a classmate raises the following question. "Is that why gay people choose to be gay because it is easier to relate to the same sex?" BOOM! First reaction is to rush over and slap her! Successfully keeping my reaction in check, I listen as the instructor goes into explaining that homosexuality has been scientifically proven to not be a choice. The sane student then asks, "Oh so it is in the DNA and genetic?" The instructor goes on to explain that no, their is no gay gene. The student still pushes the issue, "Well if its not genetic, then it must be a choice." I am biting my cheek so hard at this point I taste blood. At this point, the instructor is looking at me each time he answers. He knows I am gay, I had turned in a paper on relationships and fully disclosed I was gay. I can tell he is trying to answer her and yet still not offend her or myself. She then says, "What about people who come out late in life? Isn't it a choice for them?" at this point others start to answer her as well as the instructor explaining again that homosexuality is not a choice and how some may choose to do a homosexual act, but that does not make them gay. I am now playing with my phone trying to distract myself when I hear the conversation going and hearing the words "They" "Them" and "Those kind" is when I could not take it anymore. I finally spoke out. I said, "For those that do not know, I am gay. I am not a "Them" or "that kind" I did not choose to be gay. as far as how we relate to our partners, it is no different them those in straight relationships. If anyone here wants to sit down and have a one on one conversation with an actual gay person and hear from my mouth the facts and not hypotheticals, I would gladly do so!" The class was shocked silent. The instructor looked like I had taken a bullet for him. He thanked me for my openness. and poof, the discussion was over. I could have reacted in a more combative manner and that would have only escalated the situation. I could have stayed passive and the discussion could have dragged out for way too long. I chose an assertive approach. This is me, This is who I am. Go to the source. That is not to say i was not angry. I was still furious this morning, but I kept my emotions in check and hopefully opened some eyes in the process rather than shut them tighter. Would you have reacted the same way? Let me know. Love to all.
Burly Bear Chris
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