This is a continuation of A Coming Out Story and A Coming Out Story Continued, So if you have not read those first, follow the links and then come back here. When we left off, I had just met "Mike" as I was leaving the bar. He had asked for my number and I was shocked to actually hear from him a few weeks later. We had agreed to meet back at the bar where we met at, as we were both coming from opposite directions and the bar happened to be in the middle. I got there early and was nervous as all hell. I waited first in the bar, then outside the bar. As it got later and later I was sure I had been stood up. When it got to be an hour late I had decided he wasn't coming and started to head back to my car. As I crossed the parking lot I heard a familiar voice, "Hey gorgeous!" I turned and there was Mike. My anger at him being late dissolved with those two simple words. He suggested that we go somewhere else and I said sure and followed him like a puppy to his truck. After mentioning different places he said he had a place in mind to take me. I said sure, where ever. That's when we arrived at a place I had not even heard of before. Our first date and he was already showing me new things! It was my first time at a spa. I had images of getting massages and sitting in a hot tub. Boy was I in for a shock. After paying for our "private room" a getting our towels, (I was actually shocked they had extra large ones for people like me.) we headed in. The delusions I had about the "spa" quickly faded. It became quite obvious why he had brought me here and what he was looking for. As we headed to the the room and passed opened doors there were several guys in various sexual acts who did not care who could see. In the room Mike explained that we had to be completely nude except for the towels in the place and proceeded to get undressed. I was hesitant but eventually succumbed to the pressure. He then showed me around the place like a proper tour guide, but I was more focused on noticing that once again, I was the only chubby guy in the place. After the tour we went back the the room (room is used loosely as it was really a closet with a cot) and proceeded to "enjoy" our time together. When it came time to leave he told me to wait. "Let me go out first, you wait a few minutes and meet me at the car." I thought a bit odd, but agreed, half expecting him to be gone and I had no way back to my car. I was relieved to see he was there when I got there. As he drove me back to the bar to get my car, he explained, "Sorry, I thought I might have had friends in the area and didn't want them to see me leaving with a chub, they don't know I am a chaser." I sat there in silence as I tried to process the information he just told me. I knew I was chubby so I must be the chub, but what is a chaser? And why is it so embarrassing? Before I had the chance to even ask him these questions he hit me with another shocker. "Plus it might get back to my boyfriend. Oh, I did tell you I had a boyfriend, right?" I paused for what seemed to me an eternity, but was just a few seconds and said, "No, no you didn't." The night went very different from what I expected and it was quickly turning from bad to worse. I was mad at him for lying to me. I was mad at myself for allowing him to use me. But was so desperate for the attention I said yes to another "date" before I could even stop myself. After a few days and the shame had begun to wear off I decided to do some research on these new terms I had heard. What is a chub and chaser. That is when I found that there was actually a subculture of gay men out there that actually had men like me! And on top of that, there was a bar close to me in Long Beach that actually had a night dedicated to them. After several months of trying to get the courage to go and still seeing "Mike" on the side, I finally managed to muster up enough bravery to go on one of these nights. What I didn't know was that by the time I got to the bar, the social was over. So I sat at the bar, alone playing one of those bar top video games when I was approached by a cute guy. We talked for a while and he asked me if I had been there for the social, I explained I arrived to late and he explained he did too. It was late and I had to get home so I told him I had to leave. He walked me to the car and I asked if he would be at the next one. He said he wasn't sure as no one knew he was a chaser and wasn't sure if he could sneak away. What the hell? Why can't these guys tell anyone that they like guys like me? That is when I learned of the "Double Closet" Some guys can come out as a gay man, but it is such a stigma to be fat, that they can not bring themselves to tell others that they are attracted to bigger guys. It suddenly dawned on me. My life would never be free of secrets. Not only had I kept my sexual orientation a secret, from both straights and gays, but any partner I have would have to keep his preference for guys like me a secret too. I didn't go back to that bar for a very very long time. I did meet up with "Mike" on several more occasions, but it was simply to fulfill our physical needs. My dream of living a happy life with anyone had faded. I was defeated. That was, until I met "Luke". But that will have to wait for the next chapter. Thanks for reading everyone. Love to all.
Burly Bear Chris
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