So It Has Been A While...

I know, I know. It has been quite a while since I posted anything here. I apologize for that. I have been going through a lot of things lately and quite honestly, my head was not into writing. Since I last blogged I have been told I definitely have a tumor in my bladder and surgery is the only option. I am not supposed to go under anesthesia but I have no choice, so surgery is scheduled in the coming weeks. I have been debating if I should mention this here for quite a while and this is why I have not written as well. I promised that I would write about things in my life and how I view them, but at the same time, I don't want others to think I am only writing for sympathy either. So I will be updating on the progress here and there, but I will not make the topic my main focus.
On a brighter note, my sweetie came to visit for three glorious weeks and was there with me when I needed him. I miss him terribly since he left, but can not wait to see him again soon. Love you my honey bunny.
Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

A Personal Update

Just wanted to give you all a little update as to what is going on. Seems everything is hitting me all at once right now. First, a few of the good things. My sweetheart will be here in about 48 hours from now! I can't wait to have him here in my arms!. It's been a long wait and I am so excited the wait is finally over. Also, I am maintaining my 4.0 in school! Yay me! But with the good, comes the bad. I found out a few days ago that what I was hoping was kidney stones is actually a tumor in my bladder. I will be going in for more testing and discussing the options with the Drs, but I am trying to stay positive, and I am so glad my honey will be here to help. Again, I am sorry that this suddenly dropped from a daily blog. I will be trying to update as much as possible. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Happy Pride LA

Happy Pride weekend to those celebrating in LA this weekend! Keep in mind, the eyes of all of So Calare upon you, so....Be safe,Stay classy and Have fun!!!! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Sorry For The Absence

Sorry for my absence everyone. Had some heavy final papers this session on top of dealing with some serious pain. I will be having tests done next week as the cause. The possibilities are not great. I will fill you all in later when I know more. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Taking some time off.

I received some bad news healthwise, and been overloaded with papers so I will be taking the rest of this week off. Sorry everyone, but if anyone is willing to step up for me and perhaps sub for me, I would greatly appreciate it. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Voices Do Not Fall On Deaf Ears

So a while back I signed a petition regarding that comprehensive immigration reform should include a measure to allow Americans to sponsor same-sex partners for immigration purposes. If you have been following my blog for any amount of time, you know that my partner is from Sweden, so this issue really strikes home for me. When I signed the petition, I, like many others do, simply felt I was a name among many that would get lost among the lists. I was quite shocked to receive an email from Senator Dianne Feinstein! Now I know it is simply a form letter, but none the less, I appreciate the effort that I received any kind of response at all. Unfortunately, The news was not great and the letter explained how the same sex sponsorship was shot down by the republicans threats of not passing the reform bill if it was included, but I am happy that it is an issue that is being taken seriously by my Senator. So when you see the requests to sign a petition an you think, "what will my say really do", unless you use your voice, of course, no one can hear. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Congrats To Robbie Rogers

Okay, I know I am a little late in sending my congratulations to Robbie Rogers, but, to be fair, I have been a bit overwhelmed. My problems aside, however, I commend Robbie on his courage to become one of a very few professional athletes to publicly come out. Not only do you set the example for athletes who may be in the closet, but you set an example to anyone who is afraid to be them self for fear of ridicule and outcry.It is not easy being a first for anything, let alone, something that is all too often one of the last forms of acceptable bigotry and hate. Robbie, you have my support as well as my utmost respect. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Googling "Gayest"

Apparently the gay world was up in arms over Google tying the word "gayest" to "worst" in its searches. All I can say is, pick your battles folks. Words come and go in our vocabulary like the tides, in and out. And as I have said many posts ago, words only have the power that you give them. The harder you fight over a word, the more attention and thus more use it gets. Google has long been a supporter of diversity and equality. There was no hidden agenda on their part to wrong the LGBT community. As part of their duty as a search engine is to keep up with trends. And it is not like a human does this. A computer program picks up on key words and associates them with similar vernacular. And I myself did the search and found worse things then "gayest" being tied to "worst". How about the stereotyping of gay people? How about the "gayest" being the most feminine? So instead of blaming a company that has been nothing but good to us, why don't we, as a community, stop and think about the image we portray and set better examples. Just a thought and I am sure it is not a popular one. Feel free to leave messages below. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

A Step In The Right Direction For Scouting

So this week, the Boy Scouts of America took a step in the right direction by finally allowing openly gay boys in the Boy Scouts organization. Of course, this was not without outcries of anger...on both sides. It goes without saying that any step in the direction of diversity will upset the ignorant homophobes out there. But what surprised me were the gay activists who were upset that this was not enough and that gay adults should be allowed to be scout leaders. To my fellow gay activists out there I say this: Celebrate all victories, little or small! Society as well all know too well will not change all at once. Do not piss on the parade of the young men who will now be allowed to continue their pursuit of that Eagle Scout Badge just because the victory was not big enough. Baby steps. As long as they point in the right direction, even baby steps will get us to where we want to go. So in that spirit I say Congrats! to the Boy Scouts for there efforts towards diversity! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

So Much Going On!

So much to mention yet so much homework too. Ahhhhh. I have not forgotten about you all, and I am so sorry for falling behind. Just a few things I will catch up on this weekend. Nevada, Boy Scouts, Robbie Rogers, and Googling "gayest". I promise I will get into each of these topics over the holiday weekend and once again, I am sorry for the delay. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

All In The Name Of Religion??

I was just reading in the news about the attack on a British soldier by two claiming they had done this in the name of Allah. It is important to remember that these extremists are as much a representation of Islam as the Westboro Baptist Church are true representations of Christianity. Unfortunately, the more extreme one is in anything, the more attention it gets so it is often used as an example, but extreme is not norm, please remember this. Although I am not Muslim, I do know and am friends with several and they are just as outraged by these kinds of behaviors as we are. In fact, they are often even more outraged as they are not only disgusted, but now have to deal with those that take situations like these out on them. Every group has those who take things too far and give a bad name to the other members. Like mentioned before, not all Christians stand with the Westboro Church. Not all Whites are members of the KKK. Remember, just as you don't want the actions of others to used against you, so you should not judge others for something they do not participate in. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Gay Marriage International: Britain, The World's Eyes Are On You!

Britain's House of Commons voted today to approve a bill that would allow same sex marriages by a vote of 366 to 161! But the fight for equality is now headed to the House of Lords were the bill is expected to fight very tough opposition. Despite Prime Minister David Cameron's hopes for approval of the bill, only 45% favor the bill while 48% have said they will deny it. That leaves only 7% who have yet to make up their minds. I only hope that the House of Lords realizes that not only is Britain's gay community watching, but so is the rest of the world. Will they show the world that Britain is set to evolve with the rest of the world, or are they steadfast in the past and willing to let their fears and rigidity keep them from becoming a key player as a world's example of leadership in humanitarian rights. We are watching Britain. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Only 4 Weeks To Go!

The countdown to my sweetheart's arrival continues to tick away! Only for weeks from the time I am writing this, he will be boarding on his flight to arrive here nearly 17 hours later! Now if that isn't love, than what is? I can't wait! For those that have been following know that this has been a long road to get to where we are, but it is a road that I am so very glad for taking. Love you honey bunny! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Pride Season Is Here

As the weather warms and the days get longer, the rainbows begin to appear across the country. It is officially Gay Pride season. Long Beach, Ca kicked of this season with their pride celebration this weekend. "Long Beach Lesbian and Gay Pride Celebration has become one of the premiere Pride events nationwide now attracting over 80,000 participants over two days" (visitlongbeach.com). This marks Long Beach's 30th annual pride celebrations! It is fantastic they have been doing it this long, while at the same time, more and more communities are having their first pride celebrations! Countries such as Moldova and Ukraine are gearing up for their first, while Georgia had their's thwarted by violence from oppressing religious leaders. While Pride celebrations are a wonderful way to show support and solidarity in the fight for equality, it is important to remember, the world is watching. Our community has made great strides over the last few months and the last thing we need is the equality movement to be derailed by the absurd actions of few people pushing too far and shaming the rest of us. So go out there, show your pride, but be classy and respectful! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Eurovision 2013 Winner!

**Spoiler Alert**
Congratulations to this years Eurovision Song Contest----Denmark! The contest will not have far to go next year!. I have to be honest, when I first heard Denmark's song, I was not immediately drawn to it, but it was one of those songs that creep into your head and gets stuck there. The biggest surprise for me, however, was not that Denmark won, but by how many points Romania received! Oh My God! What is wrong with Europe's ears? Anyway, here is a link to this years winning song:

Once again, Congrats to Denmark and look forward to a great show next year! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Vive la France et gay paris!

The Associated Press reported today the following:

France's constitutional council has rejected a challenge by conservative lawmakers to the country's new gay marriage law, saying the law was constitutional.

That means France could see its first gay marriages by the end of May.

France's parliament passed the law legalizing gay marriage last month after a wrenching national debate. Opponents led by the conservative UMP party immediately challenged the law in France's Constitutional Council, which rejected their motion Friday.

The gay marriage law must now be published in the official journal. President Francois Hollande, who made legalizing gay marriage one of his campaign pledges last year, has promised to see the law published as soon as possible.

Congratulations to France and their movement to a better tomorrow through equality!Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Beware Of Scare Tactics

With the technology of today, everyone has a voice that can reach millions more than they used too. It is great that we have that opportunity, but it is what you make of that opportunity that matters. Unfortunately, many have taken it upon themselves to create, manipulate and fabricate absolute scare tactics in order to frighten people with falsehoods to hide the truth. These unscrupulous people can make the most bizarre stories look real and official. So how are we supposed to know what is true and what is not? Glad you asked. The first thing to look for is sources. An honest and upfront article will have a link directly to the source they are talking about. If you are reading something that has no link or link to another opinion site, chances are, it's all crap. Second, look for the author and look up said author. If you cannot find anything, chances are it is hogwash. Lastly, stick to unbiased news sources. These will give news stories from all perspectives and let you, the reader, come to your own conclusions. And if you are still having problems deciding if something is true or not, just ask me! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Marriage Equality Internationally: Way To Go Brazil!

The Associated Press is now reporting the following:

BRASILIA, Brazil -- Brazilian notary publics must register same-sex civil unions as marriages if the couple requests it, the country's National Council of Justice said Tuesday.

The council that oversees the country's judiciary said in a statement that notary publics cannot refuse to marry gay couples or convert a same-sex civil union into a marriage if that's what the pair wants.

The council based its decision on a 2011 Supreme Court ruling that recognized same-sex civil unions. The court said at the time that gay couples are entitled to same legal rights as heterosexual pairs when it comes to alimony, retirement benefits of a partner who dies and inheritances, among other issues.

Those opposed to the council's ruling can file an appeal with the Supreme Court.

Fourteen of Brazil's 27 states so far have legalized same-same marriages.

Efforts in Congress to approve a bill legalizing gay marriage across the nation have been thwarted by conservative evangelical legislators.

Gay rights movements cheered the council's decision.

"It is a major step that will ensure equality among heterosexual and homosexual couples," Carlos Magno Fonseca, president of the Brazilian Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Association told reporters.

Last year, 1,277 same sex couples registered such civil unions with notary publics.

Congrats to Brazil, way to light the way! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Congratulations To Minnesota!

Minnesota has become the 12th state to recognize marriage equality! Minnesota is known for its relatively mixed social and political orientations, and has a high rate of civic participation and voter turnout. Minnesota ranks among the healthiest states, and has a highly literate population. The large majority of residents are of Scandinavian and German descent. The state is known as a center of Scandinavian American culture. Ethnic diversity has increased in recent decades. Substantial influxes of Asian, African, and Latin American immigrants have joined the descendants of European settlers and the original Native American inhabitants. Minnesota is a prime example of the people of the United States, and if they, with all their diverse peoples, can legalize marriage equality, then there is no reason why the rest of the nation cannot do the same.Way to set the example Minnesota! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Know What you Are Celebrating: Mother's Day

The traditional practice of honoring of Motherhood is rooted in antiquity. Ancient rites had strong symbolic and spiritual overtones, as societies tended to celebrate Goddesses and symbols of motherhood, rather than actual Mothers. Objects of adoration ranged from mythological female deities, to the Christian Church.

The personal, family orientation of Mothers Day is a relatively new phenomenon. Only in the past few centuries did celebrations of Motherhood develop a decidedly human focus, and only in last century did Mothers Day take on commercial overtones.

The earliest history of Mothers Day dates back to the ancient annual spring festival the Greeks dedicated to maternal goddesses. The Greeks used the occasion to honor Rhea, wife of Cronus and the mother of many deities of Greek mythology.

Ancient Romans, too, celebrated a spring festival, called Hilaria dedicated to Cybele, a mother goddess. It may be noted that ceremonies in honour of Cybele began some 250 years before Christ was born. The celebration made on the Ides of March by making offerings in the temple of Cybele lasted for three days and included parades, games and masquerades. The celebrations were notorious enough that followers of Cybele were banished from Rome.

Early Christians celebrated a Mother's Day of sorts during the festival on the fourth Sunday of Lent in honor of the Virgin Mary, the Mother of Christ. In England the holiday was expanded to include all mothers. It was then called Mothering Sunday. Love to all, especially mom today.

Burly Bear Chris

My Poor Keyboard

With all the writing assignments I had this week, my poor keyboard needs a rest. I have worn out the letters on several of the keys this week. I had 7 papers due plus discussion replies all week. let me tell you, I am so happy they are done...for now. This was just the first week back, I and not looking forward to midterms and finals. Wish me luck! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

I'm Sorry!

I am so sorry to all of you and to myself. I missed posting yesterday and will miss another few days this week. I have a lot going on this week and I won't be able to post as much, but I promise when this week is over, I will be back with more thought provoking posts. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

P.S. If anyone would like to help out and write an article as a guest blogger, feel free to get in touch!

Less Than 6 Weeks To Go!

Yesterday marked the 6 weeks to go mark for my Honey's visit! I am so excited! Plans are starting to come together for some fun while he is here and some surprises too. I cannot wait! My emotions keep swaying from immense excitement to worry and back to excitement again. I worry that he won't have fun or will get bored, but at the same time I know that the three weeks he is here will whiz by so fast! I hope that we can arrange a meet up so that he can meet most of my dearest friends while he is here. Love to all,

Burly Bear Chris

Congrats Delaware!

Congrats to Delaware who today became the 11th state to legalize marriage equality for all. There is still a long road to national equality, but for Delaware ad the ten states before, they are setting a fine example for the rest of the nation to follow. These are exciting and historic time we are living in and I couldn't be more excited for the positive direction many states are heading in. I only wish California could have been one of them. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Looking Up To Liars

I never understood the way society looks up to and worships celebrities and actors. These are people who get paid to be who they really are not. They are liars, fakes and frauds. Yet society has this insane need to worship, follow and idolize them. The only thing that sets these people apart from everyday run of the mill people is their ability to fantasize and make believe. So why are we making them our role models? You have to think that society's sense of priorities are completely out of whack the people who truly deserve such praise and admiration go completely unnoticed and taken for granted. People like our own parents, our teachers, our first responders. I, for one, am tired of hearing about celebrities and their exploits and then hearing the outcry from the people about ho they should act better because they are a role model. First of all, they are actors for a reason. They have a need for attention. Secondly, their is no morals or ethics class needed to pass in order to be an actor, so why would they feel it is their responsibility to do what is right? If you want future generations to know a sense of decency and respect, show it to them yourself, don't expect it to be taught by, as Shakespeare would say, "A poor player who struts and frets their hour upon the stage and is heard no more.....an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Know What You Are Celebrating: Cinco de Mayo

To many Americans, Cinco de Mayo is simply, much like St Patrick's Day, a day to get drunk. But there is much more to this holiday that Coronas and Tacos. Cinco de Mayo, also known as the Anniversary of the Battle of Puebla, is a national holiday in Mexico in honor of a military victory in 1862 over the French forces of Napoleon III. When in 1861 Mexico declared a temporary moratorium on the repayment of foreign debts, English, Spanish, and French troops invaded the country. By April 1862 the English and Spanish had withdrawn, but the French, with the support of wealthy landowners, remained in an attempt to establish a monarchy under Maximilian of Austria and to curb U.S. power in North America. On May 5, 1862, a poorly equipped mestizo and Zapotec force under the command of Gen. Ignacio Zaragoza defeated French troops at the Battle of Puebla, southeast of Mexico City; about 1,000 French troops were killed. Although the fighting continued and the French were not driven out for another five years, the victory at Puebla became a symbol of Mexican resistance to foreign domination. Now the next time you pick up your beer, drink a toast in honor of those who died in the battle. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Be True To Yourself

If there is one thing I would love for people to take away from this blog, it is to always be true to yourself. I have not only seen and heard of lives ruined and turned upside down, but have experienced first hand the trauma of finding out the person closest to me is not really who they say they are. I have heard every excuse in the world as to why someone would choose to hide who they really are, and aside from eminent harm, none are worth the lives that are effected by being dishonest. Here are a few things to keep in mind:

• You cannot complain that no one knows the real you when you do not put the real you out there. When you hide who you are, the relationships you build with others are all built on the facade you put before you. If others don't know the real you, are you being honest with yourself?
• Hiding who you are does not hurt only you. When, not if, others learn that you have been keeping secrets from them and living lies, you cannot expect them to embrace it with open arms. Others will get hurt.
• Keeping yourself hidden will only suppress happiness. Keeping secrets can be emotionally draining. The longer you go, the more these negative emotions take control. 

I am not saying that by simply being honest everything becomes rainbows and roses. It is hard work and difficult in the beginning. But it is no harder then keeping secrets and eventually, once the truth is out there, things do in fact get better. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Not Ready For Summer

I am so not ready for summer. This is one bear that would much rather sleep through the heat. I am not built for hot weather. I am much happier when things stay below 75F. I was born and raised in Southern California. You would think that I am used to the heat. NO! I am not! I will be counting down the days until winter again. I have a theory. In winter, you can always add more layers. In summer, you can only take off so much. So I will apologize in advance. I will be one cranky bear in the next few months. Consider yourselves warned, ha ha. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Lack Of Morals, Who Is To Blame?

Every time there is a tragedy involving youth in America, social media lights up in a blaze of posts blasting the schools. "Kids are a mess because they have removed the Pledge Of Allegiance from the classroom!", "Put God back in the schools and the kids will behave!", and so forth and so on. To set the record straight, the Pledge of Allegiance is required in 43 states. Students have the option to not say the "..under God.." but the pledge is still recited in the classroom. Secondly, in order to have a country that is fair and bipartisan, it is essential to separate church and state. Schools fall into the state category unless you attend a private tuition based school. The option is available to for your child to get an education entirely based around your religious beliefs, so use it, don't force public education to convert to one religion. and lastly, it is NOT the school that is responsible to instill morals and ethics into your child. These are taught at home. If you cannot or will not take the responsibility to do this then you have no right being a parent. Producing a child because you cannot control your urges and stop to consider the consequences does not make you a perfect parent. If you decide to raise said child, then you need to take FULL responsibility and stop thinking it is up to our over worked, under paid education staffs job. The classrooms are not nurseries. Teachers are not nannies. And if you don't know how to teach your child these things, then get the help you need at your expense, not mine. Kids running a muck and getting involved in things they shouldn't is not the schools fault. It is not because of the pledge. The answer, as well as the solution lies where it should. At home. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Its All Fun And Games

I was fortunate enough to grow up in a family that enjoyed playing games. Some of my earliest memories are of my parents playing cards with friends and family. My parents were not drinkers, so there was never that adult only party of neighbors trying to one up the others in conversation while the kids were locked away in the rooms. Instead, they would all play a game of cards around the dining room table while us kids would play games of our own or sit and watch them play. The only time I ever heard my grandmother swear was when she was playing cards. These games did more than just provide an evening of entertainment. They taught us social skills. They taught us how to be gracious losers and humble winners. They taught us the art of competition in a fun environment. They also meant that we were able to, as a family, be involved in each other's lives. We knew what was going on with the others. Far too many families have lost that connection. They get so involved in working and finding a way to rid stress themselves, that they forget the others in the family. There is no need to spend hundreds of dollars on lavish vacations that are meant to bring the family together. Simply take a stroll down the games aisle and pick up one. There are games for all age groups. And if you can't find one that the whole family likes, take turns each week playing one person's pick, then the next week another pick. Milton Bradley has given you the tools to build that bond with your family. All you have to do is use them. I hate when I hear or see families drift apart because they have simply got so caught up their individual lives. Dedicate one hour one night a week to begin with. I will bet dollars to doughnuts that within a few weeks, that hour stretches and the family looks forward to that time. So have fun. Be together, and of course, Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris.

Congrats To Jason Collins

First and foremost I want to applaud Jason Collins for his courage. His coming out story will inspire and encourage not only current professional athletes, but future generations of gay youth who may have otherwise given up the idea of becoming a professional athlete due to their sexual orientation. This man had so much more to lose than just a few friends. He put his fears of losing his career, the torment of fellow players and the backlash from the fans aside so that he may be true to himself and to others about who this man is. As it is too soon to tell what the reaction from the fans may be, I am happy to see the support from so many fellow athletes and coaches. Kudos to you Jason Collins! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Does Karma Have A Sense Of Humor?

Do you ever feel like Karma takes a break from doling out her bitchy balances and picks people at random and just screws with them for fun? I have had one of those days! If I pick something up, five things drop. the simplest of tasks have been an uphill struggle all freaking day! I am the last person you would want in a china shop today, that's for sure! Am I the only one this happens too? If it happens to you too, let me know! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Spring Cleaning....Still

I sincerely apologize to everyone for not posting as much this weekend, but I am still working on the big spring cleaning. I promise I will be finished soon and be back to regular posts. With all that is happening  around us, is there anything any of you would like to discuss or see a post about? let me know below. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

How Others See Americans

We as Americans have a very proud and high self esteem. Ask anyone in the country how the country compares to the rest of the world and undoubtedly they will say, "We're #1!" But just how does the rest of the world see us? I have actually been discussing this very question with several people from around the world and the almost unanimous answer has been, "Stupid Americans". At first I took great offense to these answers. I would defend our honor and argue the great achievements made by Americans. Then I came across this: http://www.buzzfeed.com/daves4/dumbest-things-ever-said-on-the-internet. Our ignorance is going to be our downfall. Our government cuts education budgets more and more and this is the end result. Come on people. Quit turning a blind eye to what is going on. Stop assuming that education is someone else's problem. Stop assuming politicians have YOUR best interest in mind. Get involved, get educated, and ensure the next generation is educated too!

Spring Cleaning Contiunues

So spent the day continuing my spring cleaning as well as getting ready for Arv's visit. Who knew I had so much crap. I am about 25% of the way done and its taken me two days to get this far. I must appologize however, as while I am doing this, I will not be able to focus on the blog, but I will continue to at least update daily on the progress. Has anyone else started their spring clean? Let me know. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Spring Cleaning

What is it about spring that drives people to pick up the dust rag and tear into the darkest of corners long forgotten? Every spring I get this urge to just take everything, rearrange the furniture and make everything fresh. I can understand if I lived in a climate where it was dark and cold all winter, but where I am, its sunny all year. But anyway, that is what I am up to today, my first Thursday off since going back to school. Anyone want to help? ha ha, Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Congrats To Rhode Island!

Congrats to those in Rhode Island, who are well on their way to becoming the 10th state to recognize gay marriage! The Rhode Island Senate passed a bill today with a vote of 26-12 that will officially recognize gay marriage! The next steps are purely procedural as both the House and Governor have both supported the bill. It is estimated that marriages can legally begin as early as Aug 1st. This now makes gay marriage legal in all 5 New England states, and a fine example for the rest of the nation to follow. The common misconception is that by passing gay marriage, ministers and clergy will be forced to perform these marriages. As clearly stated in the Rhode Island bill, this is not the case. We are still a long way off from national legislation, but 20% of the nation is now setting the bar for the rest. So Congrats again Rhode Island! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

The Princess' Birthday!

Today is the 21st birthday on a very special girl. My niece, Adrian. My Sweet Pea! It is hard to believe it has been 21 years ago since this little girl entered into this world. For those that do not know, Adrian has Autism. It is only fitting that she celebrates her birthday in the same month as Autism Awareness Month. If there is anyone who can inspire awareness, it would be this special princess. Spend any amount of time with Adrian and she will instantly win over your heart. It was her love of all things Disney that inspired and motivated me to work for the company. I only wish I could be there with her to celebrate the day. In honor of Princess Adrian's birthday, and of Autism Awareness Month, I would like to mention AutismSpeaks.org. Autism Speaks has grown into the world's leading autism science and advocacy organization, dedicated to funding research into the causes, prevention, treatments and a cure for autism; increasing awareness of autism spectrum disorders; and advocating for the needs of individuals with autism and their families. So for the princess' birthday, how about checking out the site, see what they do, and if you are able to, donate or volunteer to help other families with special prince and princesses. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

The Countdown Continues!

Only 8 more weeks to go until Arv gets here! I can't wait! Everyday I get more and more excited!. But at the same time, I get more and more worried about his trip. In order to get here, he will be traveling for nearly 17 hours and then another 3 hours or more just to get through the airport. And then just today, the furloughs began for airport employees. Delays of up to another 3 hours are predicted. My poor baby is going to be so tired by the time he gets here. Yet he still wants to. It just shows how much he loves me and I can't wait to show him the same. So I am still coming up with ideas to show him around while he is here. Any suggestions? Let me know. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Depression: The Do's And Don'ts

It is hard for those who have never suffered clinical depression to understand how things look so bad that one contemplates taking their own life. In a rational world, nothing seems that drastic and it becomes easy to throw around phrases like, "It will be okay." Or "It gets better." Although meant with well intentions, for someone suffering severe depression, these rational thoughts are foreign concepts. Many people who have never experienced depression on this level mistake depression for merely being unhappy or sad. Although these emotions go hand in hand with depression, there is much more to it than that. Clinical depression is a disorder that has many causes and possible onsets. For more on those you can check here. Let me try to put what it is like to experience depression into perspective. Imagine you are driving in a heavy rain. As the water comes down and makes it harder to see. The windshield fills with water drops and soon it is impossible to make out what lies ahead. Now imagine you are on a busy highway when this happens. Cars are passing you at high rates of speed. Drivers are behind you blaring their horns. You feel lost and helpless. You don't know what to do, do you speed up into the unknown, do you slow down and deal with the anger of those around you? You just want to pull over and stop, but you cannot. There is no place to do so. No imagine that every waking moment was this way. Now, I know what you are thinking. There are antidepressants and therapists to help. But when you are in this state, its like knowing there are windshield wipers but not knowing how to turn them on. You cannot simply apply rational thought to irrational thinking. So what do you do and what do you avoid? Well here is a list of both for either those who need help or those who know of someone who needs help.
What NOT to do.

• Isolation. Isolation only adds distance between the sufferer and happiness. It is common for the sufferer to isolate so others do not see what is going on, or to avoid situations that are high anxiety. 
• Listen to depressing music or watch depressing movies. It is common to seek out others that are feeling morose as well so that one does not feel so alone, but what ends up happening is that it becomes all that you see and harder to see positive things. 
• Place blame. Do not blame yourself or others for your depression. This leads to thinking such as, "I will show them.." 
• Eat the wrong things. Food and beverages high in sugar and caffeine can effect the way the body and mind handles stress.
• Stay in bed. Get out of the bed and into the shower. Taking care of your physical self will help your mental self.

What TO do.

• Talk to others about your depression in moderation. Too much talk will cause you to dwell on what is wrong and not what is right.
• Go outside. Sunshine is vital in physical as well as mental health.
• Set small goals. Set up a small task or goal like cleaning a closet or drawer. Accomplishments big or small will help build self worth.
• Acknowledgement. Acknowledge that depression distorts and darkens your perceptions, thinking, and judgment of yourself and the world around you.
• Reach out. Reach out to your friends and family. Tell them what you feel and be honest. They may not understand fully, but will have a better idea than not saying anything at all.

Like I said before, these are rational approaches to an irrational state of mind. The sufferer may or will not see the benefits of these at first. The number one thing to make perfectly clear with the sufferer is that NO life altering decisions should or will be made while in a depressive state. Also be optimistic, but not condescending. Avoid phrases like, "Well you are just depressed so you don't see things right." This just affirms that the sufferer is and always will be wrong. Say things more like. "I know you feel that way now, but lets revisit these things again in a few days and see if things change." This validates the feelings as well as affirms you have a continuing interest. There is much more to depression then meets the eye. A resource for finding more help for depression can be found here. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Lazy Days

I have to apologize to you guys. Today was the beginning of my spring break and, well, I was just plain ol' lazy! I stayed in bed and caught up on Big Bang Theory since I had missed all of last season with classes. I promised, to myself more than anyone else, that I would blog daily, so I thought I would keep you all up to date on some posts that will be coming soon. The countdown continues until Arv's visit and I get more and more excited everyday. My beautiful niece's birthday is this week! Gay teen suicide is on the rise and what we can do to help prevent it. And I want to do a post on more effective ways of handling the Gay Marriage Vs Religion debates. Look for all of these in the coming days. Sorry for taking the day off, but I needed to recharge my batteries. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

What Is Eurovision?

This year will mark the third year that Arv and I share Eurovision together. He watching it live on TV and me watching with him via Internet. This year is extra special as Sweden won last year and will be hosting the contest this year. But for the rest of the United States, it seems no one knows what the heck Eurovision is. I admit, before he explained it to me, I had no clue either. Eurovision is a song contest that is held throughout Europe including Russia. Each participating country will hold national contests to decide who will represent their country in the Eurovision song contest. Each song submitted must be an original song and three minutes long. The semifinals are held on two nights where each night 16 or 17 countries compete for a chance to move on to the finals. 10 Countries move on to the final along with 5 countries that get automatically into the final plus the host country. The 5 the get automatically are the top 5 financially backing countries. At the end of the contest, phone lines across all Europe are lit up with voting. Each country then awards points based on the votes within their own country. A country cannot award points to itself, therefore they cannot vote for their own song. Eurovision is where the group ABBA first gained notoriety  This year will mark the 58th year for the Eurovision Song Contest. It amazes me that The United States has not created one of its own between the 50 states! You can check out this years entries at the following playlists Semifinal 1 Semifinal 2 and the Grand finale. Who do you think will win? let me know below. Love to All.

Burly Bear Chris

Crazy Stats!

So I check on mt blog this morning as I usually do and was hit with a pleasant, yet confusing stat. Over 400 hits this morning at 6 am. WOW! That is like 4 times my average daily hit! I am still not sure as to why, by hey, not going to look a gift horse in the mouth as they say. What is also surprising is when I look into it more, all the hits are on one blog. http://burlybloggingbear.blogspot.com/2013/01/bear-hug.html Also, all the hits come from Taiwan. I am not affiliated with any advertising or with and monetary compensation for this blog what-so-ever. This blog is purely a labor of love for me. So when I see the numbers go up like that I find it exciting and rewarding! I only hope you all get as much from reading it as I do writing it. So thank you to all my regular readers and welcome to all my new ones! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Hooray For new Zealand!

Congrats to New Zealand for becoming the newest on the ever growing list of countries to legalize and recognize same sex marriages! Coming directly on the heels of Uruguay's decision last week to legalize gay marriage, New Zraland becomes lucky number 13 in the list of countries and the first in the Asia-Pacific region. These are historic times. We are seeing the very beginnings of the waves of change and evolution in humanity and perception. The change is slow. You cannot change the minds of those who have their heads buried in the sand. Slowly knowledge and acceptance will wash away the stains of ignorance and hate. No one ever said these changes would be quick, but it is exciting to see them take root. I don't know if it will be in my lifetime that prejudice and bigotry will become but a nasty snapshot of our history in this country, but I am happy to see major steps taken in the 13 others that have become the beacon of hope and the foundation to a brighter future in equality. Kudos New Zealand! Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Leave The Investigations To The Professionals

Almost as quickly as the heroes react to a tragedy, so do the couch potato investigators. In the minutes to follow the bombings in Boston yesterday, social media was ablaze with conspiracy theories and inaccurate information. If these people were so good at figuring out everything, why are they not working as FBI agents? These people are no better than a celebrity tabloid using a situation as tragic as this to gain attention for themselves. Almost as shameful as these opportunists of sensationalism, are the sheep who blindly re-post their mutterings of falsehoods and inaccuracies. If the information you read does not come from a credible source, do yourself and those around you a favor and just leave it. How can you tell if a source is credible? Here is the method used by my University.

(CARS = Credibility, Accuracy, Reasonableness, Support)

Credibility	Is an author listed?  What are the author's credentials?  Can the author be reached for questions or comments? Is there evidence of positive peer evaluation? Has the author taken care to check for misspelling, poor grammar, etc.?
Accuracy	Is the date of the site current? Is the information complete and not too vague? Does the author acknowledge all views?
Reasonableness	Is the author fair and objective? Is the author concerned with the truth?
Support	Does the author provide support for the information? Are the sources listed? Are there other resources with similar information?

So yes, it is important to pass on viable information, but it is also important to make sure what you are passing on is the truth. Love to all.
Burly Bear Chris

The Tragic Events In Boston

The events in Boston today are a tragedy and my heart goes out to those not only physically effected, but those emotionally effected as well. You need not be there to feel the emotions of fear and panic. It is too soon to determine who was responsible or what the motivations were, but the objective is clear. To strike harm and fear to innocent lives. No matter where you are in this country, or the world, if you feel effected, there is help out there. My deepest respect for those who quickly took action to help those without concern for their own safety. I feel it is important to point out that as much terror that was caused, in also brought to light the heroic mentality of the people of Boston. Kudos to you, the unnamed police, doctors, nurses, and citizens that took immediate action to help your fellow man. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Relationship Dialectics

The topic in this weeks class is relationship dialectics. I found the information quite eye opening and thought I would share it with you all today.

Dialectics refers to the tensions that are normal in relationships. It’s the apparent opposition of two interacting forces, emotions, needs, or elements. In our American culture, we are frequently expected to make choices; that is, something must be clear cut and distinct, either/or, white or black, wrong or right, conservative or liberal, and so forth. However, from a dialectical perspective, two things might be both/and. For example, you may love your parents deeply, but you have an absolute and overwhelming need to be independent of them. Or, you may have a close friend in whom you can confide your deepest thoughts, but you don’t want to tell them everything you’re thinking and feeling. Those are both dichotomies, and they can cause dialectical tension within you, even though in both examples both sets of expectations are normal and reasonable (Adler, 2001; Alberts, 2007).
Autonomy-Connection: This requires staying in close relationships while simultaneously remaining independent or autonomous. This tension seeks to balance being overwhelmed with being totally disconnected.
Inclusion-Seclusion: Being involved with the outside world while also wanting to be relatively secluded and free from interference from others can cause feelings of conflict. For instance, at the end of a hectic day at work, an even more hectic community meeting is not always attractive.
Expressiveness-Privacy: Being open and self-disclosing at the same time while also keeping some distance.
Change-Predictability: This is the challenge of experiencing what is new, spontaneous and unplanned versus being totally stable and predictable. One part wants stability, the other seeks adventure.
Predictable-Novel: There can be comfort in knowing what will probably occur in a given situation. On the other hand, unpredictability can have a stimulating attraction.
Conventional-Unique: In particular, from the vantage of those who see you and the other person in your relationship from the outside in, you may have to contend with a point of view that puts you in tension between the expected and the creative.
Open-Closed: Couples may discover they are at odds with their feelings when faced with questions or situations in which they would prefer to not fully disclose their thoughts.
Revealing-Concealing: The challenge of being fully truthful, or not, can bring tension in numerous situations within a relationship, as well as in a public one, say when asked a question about a co-worker you would rather not answer.

Part of the management of dialectical tension is being personally grounded enough to allow for flexibility within the two extremes. This requires the individuals in the relationship to be sufficiently grounded, internally, to understand what is impacting their immediate moods and needs. There are at least eight ways to manage these tensions.

1. Alternation: Going from one side of a tension to the other as a way of dealing with competing events and opportunities. Example: A dating couple decides to spend specific evenings and weekend days together, and others with friends or doing what they individually prefer.
2. Balance: Attempting to manage competing forces through compromise. Example: A couple decides one should take a trip with friends that the other is not prepared to make. Both are content with their decision.
3. Denial: Selecting one extreme side of a tension and ignoring the other. Example: In spite of warning signs financially, a couple continues to make purchases they cannot afford.
4. Disorientation: Overwhelmed and helpless under the tension, a person or a couple becomes unable to act, or face their problems. Example: They might fight, freeze, or leave the relationship following the death of their two youngest children in an automobile accident.
5. Integration: Accepting opposing forces without trying to diminish either one. Example: A man likes to canoe and hike, while his wife prefers to read books in front of a fireplace. They decide to go on vacation to a resort in the north woods where each can comfortably do what they most prefer.
6. Reaffirmation: Accepting dialectical tensions as a normal part of life and not, therefore, be stressed by the challenges. Example: A comparatively low-key relationship allows both people to ride out dialectical highs and lows with little stress and strain individually, or as a couple.
7. Recalibration: Reframing or redefining the challenges in order to eliminate the tension. Example: A newly married couple decides to let certain parts of their past individually remain in the past and safe from disclosure, willing to accept that if each desires to share, the other will accept without judgment or ill will.
8. Segmentation: Compartmentalizing aspects of life and relationships so as to avoid conflict and stress. Example: Friends decide to leave their usually broad and deep discussions about people unlimited, except for several friends about whom they have opposing opinions.

Jess K. Alberts Ph.D. Interpersonal Effectiveness: Psychology 180, 2009. Argosy University.

Hope this is as informative to you as it is to me. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Gays Bullying Gays

Being part of a minority of people, each of us hear everyday negative jabs, insults and threats. Either directed at ourselves or at our community. We are battling for equality. We want our voices heard. So when the ears open up to what we are saying, do you really want them hearing members of our community bullying and bashing other members of the community? When members of the LGBT community go around degrading subcultures of it, do you think that really help our cause? Bears, Twinks, Chubs, Chasers, Drag Queens, Lesbians, Furries, Trans genders, Bisexuals, Jocks, it doesn't matter. Not one group or subculture is any better than the others. We are all brothers and sisters. We are a family. Now I am not saying we have to get along with every individual. That we need to walk hand in hand singing "We are family.." but we do need to respect each other. If you have a problem with a certain person in the community, don't stereotype the whole sub-set. And why is it that I see more and more that a separation within the community? A shunning if a member of one group is friends with members of another? Is it because you need to act out against the bullying from those in the world who have hurt you? The proverbial shit rolling downhill? It is time to stop it. Of all the people to realize, violence begetting violence is utter nonsense. Show kindness to your brothers and sisters in the community. Show respect. Show we are better than the sum of us. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Knowing When To Speak Up And Knowing What To Say When You Do

Knowing when to stay quiet and when to speak up can be hard to figure out. I had an interesting thing happen in class yesterday that might illustrate an example of knowing the right moment for me. In class we were discussing relationships. Relationship dialects and balance of power to be precise. Not exactly exciting stuff. The instructor was lecturing about dialects and how there needs to be a healthy balance and moved into perspectives and how the differences in culture play a role and how even a difference in the perception of the sexes play a role (I said, not exciting). At that point a classmate raises the following question. "Is that why gay people choose to be gay because it is easier to relate to the same sex?" BOOM! First reaction is to rush over and slap her! Successfully keeping my reaction in check, I listen as the instructor goes into explaining that homosexuality has been scientifically proven to not be a choice. The sane student then asks, "Oh so it is in the DNA and genetic?" The instructor goes on to explain that no, their is no gay gene. The student still pushes the issue, "Well if its not genetic, then it must be a choice." I am biting my cheek so hard at this point I taste blood. At this point, the instructor is looking at me each time he answers. He knows I am gay, I had turned in a paper on relationships and fully disclosed I was gay. I can tell he is trying to answer her and yet still not offend her or myself. She then says, "What about people who come out late in life? Isn't it a choice for them?" at this point others start to answer her as well as the instructor explaining again that homosexuality is not a choice and how some may choose to do a homosexual act, but that does not make them gay. I am now playing with my phone trying to distract myself when I hear the conversation going and  hearing the words "They" "Them" and "Those kind" is when I could not take it anymore. I finally spoke out. I said, "For those that do not know, I am gay. I am not a "Them" or "that kind" I did not choose to be gay. as far as how we relate to our partners, it is no different them those in straight relationships. If anyone here wants to sit down and have a one on one conversation with an actual gay person and hear from my mouth the facts and not hypotheticals, I would gladly do so!" The class was shocked silent. The instructor looked like I had taken a bullet for him. He thanked me for my openness. and poof, the discussion was over. I could have reacted in a more combative manner and that would have only escalated the situation. I could have stayed passive and the discussion could have dragged out for way too long. I chose an assertive approach. This is me, This is who I am. Go to the source. That is not to say i was not angry. I was still furious this morning, but I kept my emotions in check and hopefully opened some eyes in the process rather than shut them tighter. Would you have reacted the same way? Let me know. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Learning A New Language

I have been slowly trying to learn Swedish. Well, let me re-phrase that. I have been learning Swedish, slowly. Arv has been trying to teach me proper pronunciation. OMG. I just can't seem to wrap my tongue around it! Literally! He and I just got done practicing and after a few hours, my tongue feels like its swollen twice its size! I never had this much trouble learning Spanish (Except for the rolling of the "R's"). If anyone out there has some tips or tricks to share, then by all means pass them on! Sorry for the short post today, running late for class. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris

Love Across The Miles Continued

The countdown to Arv's arrival continues! In less than 69 days he will be here! The tickets are bought and the anticipation grows! I cannot express enough how excited I am. This meeting has been 8 years in the making. As he and I chat, I know he feels just as excited. But just as nervous. I play out our meeting in the airport in my head so often and so many ways. I want it to be perfect! There is so much I want to show him while he is here. I want him to not only see where I live, meet my friends, and experience the things I enjoy, but to experience the things that he enjoys, and for him to see the things he wants to see. I feel like a little boy counting the days to Christmas. But him coming here is better than any gift ever found under the tree, that is for sure! So much to do to get ready! So any of you out there have any advice for making this trip special? Let me know! Love to all!

Burly Bear Chris