The Seven Stages Of Grief

 We all experience loss in our lives. loss is enviable. Whether it be the death of a loved one or the end of a friendship or relationship, we will lose someone we care about. There is only one guarantee in life and that is loss. With that certainty and given the predictability in human behavior, researchers have determined that there seven stages we go through when our lives are sidelined with this loss. Those stages are: Shock and denial, Pain and guilt, Anger and bargaining, Depression and loneliness, The turn around, Reconstruction, and finally Acceptance and hope. Here is a little look deeper into each of these.

1. Shock and denial. This happens when the event first takes place. Our first instinct is to deny that the loss has taken place. This is when we say "No, this can't be happening!" and try to convince ourselves everything is still normal. It is quickly followed by stage two.
2. Pain and guilt. After the numbness of the shock wears off, it is quickly replaced with unbelievable, and sometimes seemingly unbearable, pain. It is also about this time we begin to feel guilty. Often feeling like it is our fault or it should have been me. 
3. Anger and bargaining. This is when the blame shifts from us to someone or something else. This often teeter-totters with trying to barter in order to repair the loss with such things as, "I promise I will do _____ differently if he/she will just come back." 
4. Depression and loneliness. This is when the full realization of the situation sets in and the sadness is at its biggest. We tend to isolate ourselves from those around us because, although well intended, they can not fully grasp your situation and their attempts to "cheer you up" only increase the feeling of loss.
5. The turn around. This is when you notice that little by little your pain is lessening. You tend to function just a little bit more. You begin to find small amounts of enjoyment in the things you once did.
6. Reconstruction. As you begin to get back into your normal routine, you learn to adapt to the parts that are now missing. You begin to feel the need to tell your story. Let others know you are on the road to recovery and look to people to fill in the gaps. You being to reach out once again.
7. Acceptance and hope. We begin to accept the situation for what it is and start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. We are not quite back to normal, but we can see ourselves being there and accept that things will be better.

Although it is certain we will go through each of these stages, what is unknown is when, what order and how long each of them will take. A therapist once explained to me that it is much like driving up a mountain. The road to recovery is not a straight incline to the peak, but rather a long winding one with many hills and valleys. Sometimes we take many strides to our goal, then have to take a few back, and that is okay. The important thing is that eventually you will make it to the top. So to all those who are currently suffering a loss and to those that may in the future, I hope this outline shows that the feelings you are having are not only valid, but necessary in order to recover. Love to all.

Burly Bear Chris